Sunday, October 13, 2013

Puzzle Pieces

The world is a jigsaw puzzle, and I'm one of those odd pieces that don't quite fit.

I am a wanderer, a quiet and distant ghost that floats about and observes, but never joins. Everywhere I go, I don't seem to fit in, so I don't often make any effort to. It's taken years for me to be content with this, and I've had to tell myself over and over that it's a waste of energy trying, as a triangle, to fit into this circular world.

I've tried to be like other people and join conversations and groups, but I always go quiet because I can't find any way to relate to neurotypicals ("normal" people). Nowadays I simply observe, often thinking to myself, "Silly humans..." when I don't quite understand their odd banter and gossip. I've accepted being on the outside, and instead of getting my hopes up about making friends, I find other ways I can benefit from groups and events. Free food at parties, for instance; or bits of wisdom from church sermons. Sometimes I attend things just for the sake of people-watching, since humans are quite silly to watch sometimes.


JOURNAL SNIPPET: Relating to the info above (should've made a new post...)

Today, I hopped onto a shuttle provided by a nearby church so I could attend the service this morning. I wanted to check it out, and I brought my sunglasses and earbuds in case I encountered any unpleasant experiences. Strangely enough, I liked the church. The auditorium was sensory-friendly with dim lights and low volume, and I was able to actually be in the room without fear of brainfog. It's also a relatively small church, quite similar to the size of my church back home, so I wasn't too anxious being in the crowd. I made sure no one sat next to me so I could have my own personal bubble. Best of all, the sermon was great—quite genuine with no fluff.

I might actually go again next Sunday.

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