Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Brainfog Strikes Again

Although my moods and thought processes are quite stable, today I had sort of a mini mental breakdown. I had been out and about all day, pondering more than usual, repeating my to-do list in my head, totally pumped and full of energy. I took an exam, organized stuff on my computer, printed out some posters for my disability support group, did some homework... and then I crashed. I couldn't even think clearly enough to finish my assignment. So I relaxed for a bit, and that's when the strange thoughts from my "brainfog" rose to the surface.

I wouldn't even call them thoughts. They're more like... weird sensations mixed with confusing emotions and imagery, and they tend to emerge when I've pushed myself beyond my limits. I often will fall asleep to cope with this when it happens (like a computer shutting down to protect itself from a virus), as what goes through my head can be frightening. It's very difficult to explain these experiences, so I've been weaving them into the fantasy novel I'm writing—but I digress.

When I mentally break down like that, I am also rendered physically useless, as it drains my energy and messes up my motor skills. After the little "episode" I had today, which was pretty much a mass of confusion, it felt like something broke inside me, sort of like how someone cries after bottling up their emotions. Instead of crying though, I just doodled with crayons using my now flimsy hands. I don't really cry much, anyway. I just act odd when I'm not feeling well.


  1. Alyssa,
    You have a way of capturing your situation with words in such a unique way. Although I wish you didn't have these stressful situations, perhaps drawing and sleeping are ways that help you cope. Maybe after writing this post, you felt a sense of release? Anyway, thank you for sharing your world with me.
    Love you,

  2. Yeah, when I can't function enough to sing or play video games (my typical ways to cope) I usually end up doodling or just napping.

    And I would count this blog as a coping mechanism too, cuz it is a sort of release... and it's far better solution than doing nothing about it.

    And don't worry, I'll be posting some of the happier aspie moments too. :P I'm just expressing all the icky stuff for now as my brain recharges...