Sunday, November 16, 2014

Let Me Fly

I'm like a bird in a cage. I want to fly and be free, but the barriers of society keep me locked in. I don't understand the other creatures in the cage. All I can think about is flying away.

I need to be alone, but there is no privacy in the cage. I have no choice but to mingle with the others, even though I don't want to. It's scary attempting to befriend them, because I cannot predict what they'll do or say, nor can I interpret all of their language. Sometimes they stop talking to me and I don't know why, even if we've been "friends" for a while. I don't know if it's appropriate to talk to them again if they aren't making an effort to talk to me.

It's exhausting just being around these other creatures, let alone try to connect with them. But I have no choice... this is the cage I have been placed in. This is the world I have to face. But it's not all bad. When I have a break from the mundane tasks the creatures assign to me, and when everyone else has gone to sleep, I find a comfortable corner where I can be myself. Though I can't fly, I can dream of flying.
I can dream of anything!

I hope that one day, I'll be set free from the cage. I hope that my wings are strong enough to carry me. I've done so much work in this world that they might be too weak. But no matter what happens,
I can keep dreaming until the end.

Creatures of the Earth, look at me and try to understand. I am different from you, but I am a living, breathing being like you.
Please let me dream. Please let me fly.

[Neurodiversity isn't a term well-known, but it applies to everyone. Everyone's brain is different, so not everyone fits into the cages society puts us in. People use labels like Asperger's Syndrome and Introversion (with these labels expressed in the analogy of my experience above) to help us better understand each other, but the minds under these labels shouldn't be viewed as a lesser brain type or a "disorder." Do not judge anyone's heart based on their behavior. Take the time to listen to them, in whatever way they communicate best. You may find that you have more in common than you think.]

Sunday, November 9, 2014

My Adventurous Attention Span

Often when I interact with people, I detach from my surroundings, the conversation, and just about everything for a split second. It's like almost losing consciousness, or being stuck in a dreamlike state for a moment. It's really weird; in that split second, my brain seems to zoom waaay out, looking down at the universe and questioning the significance of the tiny speck of space I'm standing in, and the nature of language as I hear the other person talking to me, and I find myself observing the structure of the conversation more than the words or meaning. Sometimes it's so short that I can keep interacting as if nothing happened, but sometimes it's long enough that I missed something, and I'd have to ask the other person to repeat themselves.

Sometimes, this "brain retreat" is inward (makes sense since I'm an introvert), and I'd find it hard to focus on an interaction because I'm examining everything I do, trying to process a billion things, trying to search for socially appropriate responses in my brain's computer, all the while thinking about how utterly ill-equipped I am to be talking to that person. I'd also be putting myself down for letting myself get carried away by this process... and it doesn't help not knowing whether this brain overload is my fault or because of how my brain is wired. Or perhaps it's just my short attention span? I'm not sure if other aspies deal with this, or if it's just an Alyssa thing.

At the end of the day, my thought processes leave me exhausted. :/