I'm surrounded by people I don't truly know, even if I "know" them.I want to connect, but I can't find people'sbrain-ports. I don't wantto see their polite greeting program. I don't want their antivirus to block me. I want to know their system. I want to know what's in their documents and let them read mine, give them a taste of my music while I enjoy theirs, watch their videos and show them mine, and share files. If only our operating systems were compatible......
It's days like these that make me feel more like an alien. It's days like these that mess with my head, and cause me to stay in my room. I don't want to go out in public on these days. I shouldn't. One day I'll be doing well socially and energy-wise, and another day I'd take a few thousand developmental stepsbackwards and become awkward again. It's not that I wouldn't have confidence to make conversation on these days, it's just that I know better not to. I'm aware that I may either talk too much or too little, or changethesubjectrandomly, or insert humor excessively. My limbs might decide to have a mind of their own and move stiffly or awkwardly, maybe twitch a little. It'd be harder to look {>.>} at people, and I wouldn't know where to focus my gaze {o.o}. I'd be far too disoriented to know how to put on my mask of normality. (._.) This is when having a roommate isn't as fun... luckily, my roommate is rather accepting, but I still have to try to keep a cap on my awkwardness so it doesn't explode in a way that would bug her. If I was by myself, I'd feel a bit freer to be myself (that crazy lady who talks to herself in different voices, makes animal noises and laughs a lot, and hums to herself whilst pacing about the room). On these days, I'd rather just be alone.
