Sunday, June 21, 2015


Is it just me, or does time fly a little faster than I would like it to?

Time, staaaahp!
For many of us, the pace of life can be overwhelming. For me, at the current time, it's utterly ridiculous. My most frequent wish is that it would slow down enough for me to breathe.

As an Aspie, I take in a lot of stimuli, so to keep up with a schedule that requires a lot of tasks in a short period of time wears me out easily. Especially with my major documentary project, I've been doing a lot of mentally-heavy creative decision making at least 8-12 hours a day under high pressure due to deadlines. Thank goodness I work independently, so I can push deadlines a bit farther if needed and not kill myself to satisfy any higher-ups.

Aspies often need more down-time than typical people, since the way we take in information can be exhausting. Me being an introvert only increases my need for alone time and recuperation. However, with the busy-ness of all my family members (and pretty much everyone I know), I'm often rushed along crazy route, and required to be fast and upbeat to survive...

I think my biggest problem is that I'm ambitious. There's soooo much I want to do, and there's no way to do it all at once, or even switch between them because I'm so bad at switching tasks. To give you an Idea—I have three YouTube channels, three blogs/websites, four Facebook pages, and I am an admin/launcher of an Aspie group on Facebook. My hobbies include writing: blogging, roleplays, novels; filmmaking: planning, directing, camera, video editing; singing, and artsy things.

I'm not listing these in order to brag—honestly I'm only moderately good at most of them—but it's just to give you an idea of why I get so stressed when I don't have enough time to do the things I really want to do. It's frustrating, because it makes it hard to have a balanced life. Without the support of my parents, I'd probably starve to death on the street because I was fixating on a new film or book I want to create rather than look for a job. Or obsessing over a project I never finished 6 years ago.

One of my most recent ambitions: to be a YouTube gamer/letsplayer. You know, those guys who record themselves playing video games and reacting ridiculously to things, while somehow getting tons of views (i.e. PewDiePie, Markilplier, etc.)? I want to do that, since I already yell and make funny noises and crack jokes when I'm playing games. Ironically, it takes charisma to be an entertaining letsplayer, and most aspies are kind of lacking in that area (including me when I'm tired)... but why the heck not? I might as well try it.

But, the only issue is that popular YouTubers are obligated to post weekly, or even daily, to keep an audience. That would be tough for me, and may just be another thing in my schedule to overwhelm me at some point. And that's what I'm afraid of. It's happened so many times before... I'll get excited over a new idea, like a new song to cover and post on YouTube, or a new blog post... and I'll either get halfway through it and stop, or I'll post things so rarely I may lose whatever small audience/subscribers I have.

I wish it was normal to do things at your own pace if you're a slow person, or easily overwhelmed. But in our lightning fast, instant microwaved caffeine to-go kind of world, good luck finding a pause button.