Sunday, September 18, 2016

Why I Disappear

I had mentioned on my Facebook page that I would explain my absence. I didn't explain everything in my latest vlog, so I will do so in this post.

(And here's the video if you haven't seen it yet)

First reason for my absence: disappearing from social media, YouTube, and even real life is normal for me. I am very introverted, and my Asperger's and OCD (recently diagnosed, as I mention in my video--will elaborate more in future posts) keeps me too busy managing myself. Everyday things like cooking meals, doing laundry, or even getting out of bed take more time and effort than they should.

With the everyday things alone, I would probably be posting a bit more often. But when I'm in college or working, it's extremely difficult to do so even once a month (aside from my occasional "hey look at this" Facebook statuses that don't require much effort). Even so, I probably post a lot less than the average person. I know it doesn't matter, but it's hard not to feel anxious about keeping up, and I sometimes fear losing followers because I took a month to reply to my messages or couldn't keep a commitment to upload regularly.

Second reason for my absence: I'm adjusting to too many changes and my mental health has reached new depths of difficulty. I say "new depths" because it's not that I have suddenly declined and stayed that way, it's more that my "low points" have gotten even lower. I had a mental breakdown that led to me taking a semester off school, which isn't normal for me. I thought I'd get better over the summer (which I sort of did, gradually), but I had more mental freak-outs over seemingly small things, or for "no reason," and they were a lot scarier than my typical freak-outs.

As you can imagine, managing myself has taken up a lot of my time and energy, so I can't be as active in all areas as life without extreme caution. I do want to improve though, so I sought a diagnosis for OCD since I suspected for a long time that I had it. I just didn't think I needed a diagnosis--until I got a wake-up call from my increasingly distressed brain.

For now, I will do my best to at least post helpful videos, podcasts, and blog posts when I can. If you have any questions about mental health issues that you'd like me to address, please leave a comment.