(Disclaimer: This is a post about assertiveness and
self-advocacy. Not about being an actual Karen.)
As an autistic who has always tried to give
everyone the benefit of the doubt, something I learned is that you have to be
thorough and persistent to get what you need. You can't always trust that
someone (ESPECIALLY corporate peoples) is being honest and will follow through
or keep promises.
An important lesson I learned from watching my dad negotiate over the phone +
much trial and error + unfortunate consequences is to assume that everyone is incompetent. This isn’t a healthy view
when applied to everything
(especially regarding loved ones—I’d rather assume the best from them!), but it
certainly helps prevent me from getting burned by insurance companies, medical
offices, government agencies, and any organization looking to make money off
me.
The “Huber” way according to my dad is to assume incompetence, be persistent,
and negotiate to get what you need and want in life. You should never have a pay an unjustified bill or tolerate being scammed.
I certainly did not inherit this attitude… I had to learn it.
When you think a problem is resolved, because someone says "I'll take care
of it," don't just leave it up to them and wait... Check on them, ask about
it, remind them, be specific, etc. And whenever possible, do whatever you can
to resolve an issue on your own since you can't trust random people who are
only focused on profit.
I learned this from dealing with people lying
to me about my insurance benefits, the quality of products I buy, and
customer/tech support agents who don't actually read my questions in emails,
and many other scenarios where I had to be assertive and communicate clearly.
So I've become a Karen. A really annoying
Karen. But you gotta be a Karen to get what you need in this capitalist society
that's got way too many people in it who don't have time or motivation to be
helpful.
P.S.: A "Karen" is a stereotype of
a person who is irritable, entitled and "wants to see your manager,"
but in the context of this post it is someone who is persistent and doesn't
give up until she gets what she wants, even if others think she is trying too
hard. I’ve just been conditioned to be super passive, so even “normal”
assertiveness feels like I’m being an asshole. So I just embrace my own concept
of being an “asshole” so I can have “normal” boundaries. :P
That being said, you can be a “Karen” without
being a jerk. Just aim to be calm, factual, thorough, and persistent.
EXAMPLES OF ME
BEING A PRACTICAL “KAREN”
Health
Insurance + Doctors
Here is an example of how I learned to be calm, factual, thorough, and persistent:
When I first got my own health insurance
(Medicaid/Medicare), I had no idea what I was doing. (It's worth noting that I am in the USA, so I'm navigating a mess of a healthcare system.)
I did realize that I needed to check if insurance covers procedures. But I started asking in the wrong place: my doctor's office.
I used to ask my doctor if a certain procedure would be
covered by insurance. The doctor would say "Oh yes, it definitely
is." But then I'd get a huge bill in the mail from the doctor’s office.
How could they lie to me?? Well, the doctor
probably didn't have the right information (they're not my insurance company)
and just wanted to reassure me, or was in a rush to do their job and not focus
on the details.
Since then, I learned that I had to call my
insurance to check my benefits before getting any medical treatment. But even insurance agents would give the wrong info
when I'd ask what is covered. Sometimes it's because I called a
"general" phone line for an insurance company and not the phone line
for my specific plan.
So from that point I'd call the phone line
specifically for my plan. But sometimes, I’d get conflicting answers to my
questions--one agent would give me "info A" and another agent would
give me "info B"
So I learned that I have to ask more than one
agent the same questions.
When that failed (like if I still got a
bill), I started reading my insurance manuals. And I realized then that I
needed to ask not only if certain procedures are covered, but if every step of
anything medical-related is covered.... From transportation, to making an
appointment, the doctor deciding to do a seemingly meaningless action or
"test" that they don't tell me I could be charged for.
And since I had to find new doctors when I switched to Medicaid/Medicare, I realized that I check with my doctor and my insurance company to make sure that doctor was in my network (meaning: covered by my insurance).
So now my steps are to:
1. Ask a doctor if they take my insurance
2. Ask my insurance if that doctor is in network
3. Read my insurance manual
4. Call
my insurance
5. Ask several different agents the same questions.
6. Repeat the above steps until I've thoroughly annoyed everyone but got consistent answers and results.
Side Note: Something that I realized DOESN'T
work for everything from the Huber Method™ is sob stories. People want cold
hard facts. (especially for issues like health insurance). So if I get a bill
in the mail and don't think I should pay it, I need to back up my reasons with
evidence, like from my insurance manual, instead of simply saying "I'm
disabled and poor etc." (though that can be useful in getting my needs met
in some circumstances.)
Buying
Stuff
(This section is written by Ayden cuz
January got tired of writing.)
I learned that people also lie to you in
order to sell you stuff. Surprise!
I have been in need of a new mattress for a
while now due to back and neck pain. I’ve had the same old just-OK twin-size
spring mattress for most of my life. So I shopped around, tried out different
mattresses in search of the absolute softest one.
 |
| Mmm, sleep... something I'm lacking cuz I'm writing this stupid post |
I settled on the softest one at my local
Mattress Firm, but it turned out to not be all that soft—it took a few months of
sleeping on it for me to figure that out. So I returned it and looked for a softer mattress.
My parents have the most luxurious mattress I’ve
ever laid on. Super deep mushy top layer, but still supportive—exactly what I
needed.
Note: I am a picky person. Idk if this is due to being autistic, but I need things to be just right, or I won't use them. So I gotta be Super Karen and go the extra mile to find precisely what I need and do whatever it takes to get it.
Since I liked my parents' mattress so much, I decided to find the exact same one, a Serta something-something.
Turns out that mattress doesn’t exist
anymore. Serta discontinued it. So I called Serta (well, my dad did cuz I was
struggling with phone calls at the time, and he’s a Level 100 Karen) with the
model #, and they gave me an option that supposedly had the exact same foam layers
as my parents’ bed, but even softer. I was totally game for that. So I bought
it.
Almost two months later and I get off my lazy
butt and decide to actually compare my new Serta mattress to my parents’ Serta
mattress. And NOPE. It’s not the same at all. I DO have a mushy top layer, but
it’s much more shallow, so my bed feels kinda firm in comparison to my parents’.
So I did some research on the specs of these
beds and turns out that YEP, they have different layers.
So, I’ve just been lied to and screwed over.
I’m gonna call Serta myself with the specs information and ask if they have a
mattress that meets the EXACT specifications of my parents’ mattress, and to
direct me to a link or something with proof of the specifications before I buy
another bed.
There’s a chance that the Serta agent was
genuinely ignorant about the differences between the mattresses, in that case I’d
be more sympathetic. But it’s frustrating either way, to buy a big ticket item
only to realize you got the wrong one.
Also! Don’t buy something just cuz someone
says it's good. Bad idea. It’s never as good as they say.
Customer
Support
(Alyssa wrote this section)
I’ve also had issues getting problems
resolved via customer service or tech support.
For example, I just became a Twitch Affiliate
(meaning I can make a few bucks from ads on my livestreams), and my viewers
told me that no ads were showing up during my streams when I hit the “ad break”
button.
It had been over a week since I was approved, so the ads should have been
working! I decided to contact Customer Support to figure out what was going on.
My question was something like:
“I became a
Twitch Affiliate over a week ago. When I hit the “ad break” button on my live
streams, ads do not show up for my viewers. What is going on and how can I fix
it?”
This was the reply from Twitch's Customer Support:
“We can understand how frustrating it is when ads play
too much, or ignore our built in volume limits. Whenever this happens please
make sure to use the “Options” gear on the video, and under “Report Playback
Issue”, there are options for “Advertisement has played too many times” and
“Advertisement cannot be muted or is too loud”.”
If you haven’t noticed yet, the customer
support agent completely missed the mark, thinking I was reporting getting too many ads (likely as a viewer) when
my issue was no ads at all (as a streamer/Affiliate).
I’m guessing this was either an automated
reply or that the customer service agent was only copying/pasting a scripted
answer because they either didn’t have an answer, or didn’t read my question in
the first place.
I eventually figured it out on my own and the
ads are finally working. I’m still having some other technical issues though,
so I’m gonna be annoyingly persistent in contacting support until I get someone
to actually read my questions and answer me, but I won't stop streaming because
of it. Sometimes you just gotta make do until you get the answer or solution
you need. Don't let the incompetence of a company or person stop you from
living your life.
Trust me, I get it. I used to waste my time
"waiting" for answers because I hate uncertainty, but all that did is
cause me incredible anxiety. So I decided to address the issue, but then move
on with my life while I wait for answers, or until the next time I contact
someone for a solution. It's easier to do that while I'm clear-headed, anyway.
I will say that not all customer support
services are like my experience with Twitch’s customer support. Amazon for
example has excellent customer service. (Of course, their poor treatment of
their employees is questionable, but that’s another conversation.) They
actually answer questions quickly and try to solve the problem right away. Disclaimer: This post is not sponsored
by Amazon :P I just really like Amazon’s services.
WE’RE ALL KINDA INCOMPETENT… AND THAT’S OKAY
I've realized that the adult world is
basically a bunch of kids pretending to be adults--no one knows what they're
doing and they're just making it up as they go along sometimes in order to
survive.
This means you can't rely on people to be
giving you correct information. I always anticipate people disappointing me or
being wrong, because it happens all the time.
But that doesn't mean I should live in fear
and anxiety about being disappointed. I try to have a cold and factual approach
to these situations. If I'm too emotionally invested or get my hopes up, I'm
just setting myself up for failure.
I can proudly say that I have overcome much
of my anxiety (and emotional distress) around solving issues like the ones in
this post. Of course, I still get reasonably angry when people are unhelpful or
dishonest, but I’m not completely paralyzed by these situations as often. That’s
progress.
Moral of the story:
Be annoying. Ask questions. Be a Karen.
~January
