Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Journal Snippet: Peace from Within

As an aspie, one of the most difficult things for me to come to terms with is being content in my necessary solitude. I'd often find myself unsure of what to do when I'm overstimulated (the result of sensory overload), so I'd seek attention from friends. However, it is never a wise decision because me being overstimulated affects my emotional state...so I might not make the best choices, and I could potentially end up in some awkward situations.

I was overstimulated even today, and I became incredibly frustrated at the fact that instant messaging my friends didn't help. So I took a break from my phone, lay down on my bed and sort of "analyzed" myself. What did I want at the moment? I wanted someone to talk to. Would it help if I got what I wanted? No. What do I actually need? How can I get it?

I closed my eyes and prayed for God to satisfy my inner longing, since I knew nothing else would suffice. Then I was transported to a beautiful place in my mind. It's difficult to describe because it was a montage of nature; like fields of green and autumn leaves, bits of sky and flowers. Then I placed my hand over my heart and everything slowed down to a pleasantly normal pace. I was lying under a tree, leaning against its trunk, and rather than my own hand over my heart, the hand belonged to Seamus, my "guardian angel" (I'll write a post on him later on). He told me to stop wishing and think about what I've been given: my beautiful eyes and hair. My "angelic" face and smile. My unique personality. My own heartbeat.

Sometimes the best reassurance can be found within ourselves. Other people don't always have the answers.


  1. I am not aspie but find myself with exact same feelings anxieties n questions of myself at times but unlike u my needs are not always clear 2 me n my relationship with my angel (I think I have 1?) Is v'vague

  2. It's alright. Not everyone knows themselves and their needs well, but it depends on the person, not their neurological status. And in all honesty, Seamus is more of a very close imaginary friend (to the point of him being real to me) than a real angel. I just like to call him a guardian angel because he makes me feel safe.