Saturday, October 3, 2015

Day Off = NO WORK!!

I suppose this is a good a time as any to write, since my brain is going in circles and circles and circles and circles and circles -smacks my face with a pillow- ... ah, that's better.

Today is supposed to be my day off. My days off are a little different from most I think--the average person will still be active, doing little things here and there that didn't get done during the week... like sending emails, checking Facebook, doing a bit of shopping, spending time with friends, etc. I can't do that. Every little thing I have on my list to do bounces around in my head until it's done, allowing me no relief. 

Now for my days off, I want to do NOTHING. Well not literally, but I want that to be my approach, to go into it thinking I have no schedule. Then when I wake up, I won't immediately be burdened with things I to do, places to go, people to see, etc. I can follow my brain wherever it leads me. I could really end up doing nothing if my brain isn't feeling up to it, or I could do a bunch of things. I could record myself singing, or write something, or make YouTube videos... basically leaning towards my creative hobbies.

My brain is like a wild horse (not sure why I chose that analogy cuz I'm not a fan of horses) that needs to be set free every once in a while, not tied to any schedule or task or purpose. I'm a free spirit, fluid like water, and I don't want to be trapped by the [boundaries of time and space.] As an aspie, I do value routine and it helps me greatly during the week, but on the weekends I want none of it. I want a day to go back to my planet, with no reminders of earth's annoyances whatsoever: not my Facebook newsfeed, an email, a friend saying hello, the latest news, intrusive advertisements, etc.

Home, sweet home...

 I'm sure my fellow aspie friend Katie can sympathize with me on this one. That's one reason why I like hanging out with her a lot... we both have a taste for freedom, and actually act on it by going on little adventures that don't fit with our daily routines. We love biking places and discovering things nearby, whether it's a pretty area for a picnic, interesting shops in town, or even just snacks at the grocery store. And all the while I'd be listening to Katie talk about her life and her inner world, and occasionally join her in being delighted by something in the environment that grabs her attention. It's like a wonderful freedom from my daily life, with no pressure, stress, or time constraints. I don't want those things limiting my enjoyment of life.

I wonder if any other aspies out there feel this way?


  1. I definitely feel this when the weekend comes around. I find it difficult to fully engage in a project unless I have lots and lots of time and nothing to stress me out coming up. I have to feel comfortable getting lost and if that mindspace isn't correct, I can't go there because crap is holding me in place, whether it's a social engagement (most of the time it's this), or something I need to get done for work, etc. One aspect of Asperger's I appreciate and have integrated is that I basically have one foot in "my own world" at all times. I love getting carried away with one thing, then another, follow interesting paths that go all over the place, finding intense inspiration all the time, stumbling over it. I have a job where I don't have to engage people and have a single set of tasks to fully concentrate on and I think this utilizes my gifts, once I fully understand what is expected from me. Lol, this is a long comment. I'll stop now. =)

    1. Same here! I couldn't finish my AS documentary until summer came when I had nothing going on. Just the anxiety of knowing events are coming up hurts my productivity.

      And I totally relate on the "one foot in my own world" thing!!! I looove following trains of thought that lead to my hobbies and other fun discoveries. And I like that you said "intense inspiration"... I get that too an awful lot and have a hard time describing it. It's like a high I get from many different sources... I really wish more people would understand that, and know that I'm not crazy, I'm just incredibly interested and inspired by so many things! :)

  2. I just wanted to say to you how much I am enjoying your blog. It is so clearly written and really helpful to me. I relate to everything you write that I have read so far. (I have no diagnosis, just want to make my life run better and have more fun, not quietly go in circles!).

    Love your writing style and the way you cut to the chase.

    1. Thank you for reading it! I'm glad you find it helpful. I believe that any insight we have to offer ought to be shared, no matter our diagnosis or walk in life. I'm sure you have some good insight as well. :)