There is hope for our species, the Neurodivergent.
The world has imposed upon us a standard which many of us cannot
meet, leaving us scarred in the process of trying to get there.
Stigma, a badge of shame attached to diagnosis, hurts us. Mental illness is not a character flaw, it’s what happens when
society’s demands are incompatible with our natural abilities. It’s the pain we feel at being forced in line when we
need the freedom to be ourselves. It makes us hate who
we are when we can’t control it.
But there is hope for us… our voices are getting LOUDER.
Tools like the Internet are giving us a platform to speak and connect with others like us. There is
such overwhelming support, we just have to look for it.
We have to be willing to look at ourselves and others with fresh eyes, not through the dirty goggles the world has pulled over our faces. To be
accepted, we must accept ourselves and others, and avoid judging each other and
buying into damaging stereotypes the way others have done to us.
Keep in mind that many of us Neurodivergents have experienced
unspeakable pain, and it is absolutely valid even if Neurotypicals assume we are
overreacting.
Overreacting is a myth.
We react based on the intensity of our
experience: so we are reacting just right. We should not laugh at each others’
complaints or struggles, whether it comes from a Neurotypical or
Neurodivergent. Everyone should be respected.
Anyway… let me tell you what sparked this.
I have been mentally “away” on and off, swinging between self-hatred and love for our kind.
In my everyday life, I struggle a lot due to the weaknesses that
come with ASD and OCD. They just don’t seem compatible with some necessary
aspects of adulthood, and I find myself overwhelmed by too many tasks and
demands. So I swing back and forth between happiness and misery (thanks
especially to ASD extreme moods) depending my tasks for that day, or whether my
days off are for “recovery,” or if I actually have enough energy to enjoy
myself.
When I’m in school, these problems are x10 (times ten) since the
college life leads to persistent information overload for me. The exhaustion so
physically and emotionally painful that simply describing my issues as
articulately as the last paragraph is near impossible in that state. It ends
out coming out in a rant of details rather than a summary--my more natural form
of talking.
With every screaming demand and anxiety trigger, my mind stacks
another intrusive thought or painful memory over my normally happy self,
darkening my vision, and silencing my voice. I hide away because I can’t be
socially graceful with all that junk. And after every college semester, I’m
left with a hardened shell I must chip away at until I can see myself again.
Last time, it took me nearly a year to break free from it.
I’ve been sick, depressed, anxious, and trapped inside my shell
for a long time this semester. I scream from the inside, but it comes out in
barely a squeak. Sometimes I see a crack in the shell, and find some comfort or
inspiration in a ribbon of light before it closes up again. So, I do still have
good days, but I have to cling to them for dear life.
It was another ribbon of light that sparked this post. My misery
was my only company, so it felt better to shout words of hope to others also stuck
in a shell. I know what it’s like to feel trapped, exhausted, and misunderstood.
So keep chipping away. There is light outside waiting.
