A Leftist Rant on Disabled Shame

Being disabled can come with such intense shame.

We are not considered valuable in our capitalist society. Our worth is decided for us by how much money we can make.

Money often determines how well we're doing. If we can't afford our medicines or food... Well, we might not function enough to take care of ourselves or the space we're in.

Maybe it's just my perfectionism, but when I see my own messes, I see how I think the world must see me:

Lazy.

Pitiful.

Worthless.

Nevermind the fact that I can't afford my rent and could be homeless at some point, and the level of stress that causes...

Why on earth am I judging myself so harshly over a bit of clutter? Maybe it's because it reminds me of how very little control I have over my life. If I can control anything, it's my living space... And I can't even do that right. What is *wrong* with me? 

I'm desperate for any sense of control and calm. I can't relax. I can't have fun. My idea of fun is sitting in a chair just sipping tea and ignoring the world burning around me. My friends are all playing video games and have actual hobbies, while I'm either worrying intensely or trying *not* to worry. 

... I know this is just a bad day. I've had more bad days than good lately though. It's no wonder. I've been told even a non-disabled person in my situation would be freaked out. It helps to hear it's not just me. 

Let's just hope this blows over soon. It won't stop me from constantly thinking about this terrible system we're trapped in, but maybe, just maybe if I have enough to live semi-comfortably someday… I can ignore the fires until I'm okay again. And then I can chase my dream of someday putting them out.

I very much want to put the world's fires out. Only then can I relax. 

NEW FILM ANNOUNCEMENT - FREE SCREENING

"Disability is Forced Poverty" premieres on YouTube June 27th!

Summary:

A deep dive into the unfair rules and societal barriers disabled people face while on government benefits.

Click "Watch on YouTube" below and hit the "Notify Me" button so you can watch it live! It premieres June 27th at 12pm CT. Keep scrolling on this page to watch the trailer.

TRAILER

Life Update - June 2024

 I haven't written here for two years.

Interestingly, it's because I'm not suffering as much I as I was.

Yet it's strangely beautiful reading my old writings. Some of my most poetic language emerged from the midst of extreme suffering.

I can still write that way... I just don't need to. I can finally simply choose to.

This is the closest to "normal" I've felt in my life. I still can't work (disabled), but I can actually enjoy my days and think clearly, for the most part. I don't have nearly as much dissociation and sensory overload that I used to on a daily basis.

You can get this hoodie at my shop :)

I'm tempted to say that I've "figured myself out" and healed... but honestly, healing is a lifelong journey that never ends. Once I've fixed one layer of problems, another beneath it is revealed. It's like Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs if every section was "Self-Actualization" (perhaps with bits of the two sections below it).

The original concept of this triangle suggests that the lower layers are a foundation for the ones above it. As a joke, I printed out the triangle and taped it to my wall upside-down... because I'm in my own head more than the real world, often neglecting my physical needs in favor of enlightenment. I question things constantly, everything from my own thoughts and perspectives to larger social structures and how they interact.

I do have OCD, so... I have to be careful with this. Thank gods I'm on Zoloft, so my thoughts are more benign curiosity rather than severe distress.

I have a friend who can "see" people's souls as specific images. I don't believe in the supernatural, but her interpretation of my spirit has always stuck with me. So much so that I wrote it down in a journal somewhere:

"Mine was a lizard leaving behind a shadowy trail, sort of shedding skins I think, sun above and moon below (or was it the other way around?) and she saw the words 'shining indifference.'"

This suits me very well. I always feel like I'm constantly evolving, and it's weird looking back on my life and remembering how far I've come. Of course, I also have alters (DID) so that only adds to the sense of novelty around my own identity.

But I digress... why I am doing so well?

Long story short: Medication and identity healing.

Short story long: It all started when I was born-- just kidding.

Actually, it started with getting a ton of therapy throughout my life starting in adolescence. Buried somewhere underneath my pathological demand avoidance, I always had a strong desire to learn, grow and improve. It sometimes reared its head as perfectionism, but my determination usually did result in genuine growth, even if it was a bit slow. This was a constant even amidst discovering more co-morbid conditions (OCD, PTSD, DID, PMDD etc.) and writhing my way out of dark places.

Finally in my 20's, I got on some much-needed medication starting with Bupropion for depression. It helped. I got on Zoloft a few years later and HOO BOY did it work! I finally felt... normal. I asked myself how I went so long without it, as it was the most effective treatment for my severe anxiety and OCD. It's one of those "duh" things that should have been obvious (I mean, Zoloft is the #1 treatment for OCD), but I kept putting it off as I was raised to be rather anti-medication. I thought if I only tried hard enough or took some natural supplements I'd be fine. I was very wrong, and getting on meds very much needed to happen.

We seriously need to de-stigmatize needing medication.

It also had a weird side effect of nearly erasing my dissociation. Or rather, switching. I noticed at some point (less than a year ago) that I hadn't heard from some of my alters for a long time. I could contact some of them in my headspace, but it was much more difficult... it's as if their voices got quieter. And rarely did I ever switch, which was weird... I wasn't sure how to handle that, being "awake" and fronting 24/7. It was exhausting sometimes. But slowly, I took over some of the roles my alters previously served (setting boundaries, self-soothing, etc.).

Over time, without me really noticing, some of my alters integrated. (Integration is where two or more alters fuse together into a new alter with their combined traits). I only noticed when my roommate pointed out he hadn't seen Ayden (protector) front in a long time, and he heard bits of him in my voice. So I paid more attention and checked in with my system to confirm (at least the parts I have some direct access to). I heard from Seamus, Shira, and Lushira... but Ayden and Suki? Radio silence.

I kept trying over time, and asking those around me if I've switched (since I sometimes don't notice or forget it happened). Still nothing. I never heard from Ayden or Suki after that, so I've assumed at this point that I (Alyssa, the host) have merged with them. I mean, I DO feel rather different, and it's perplexed me. Now I know why.

So hey! New host. My name is Alden, a merge of Alyssa/Ayden/Suki. We've shed yet another skin and are living a new chapter of life.

I'm pretty handsome if I do say so myself

Also... gender is interesting. Alyssa was a gender-fluid girl, Ayden a guy, and Suki a woman. Alters can have their own individual traits like age and gender, so when they integrate, some of those can kinda squish together to make something new. I'll update y'all with more details in the future.

For now, my hands are tired of writing. I want a snack and tea so I'mma go grab that. Yum~

Do you like tea? What kind do you like? I'll grab you some~

What's It Like Being Poor on YouTube?

What's it like watching YouTube videos when you're under the poverty line?

Seems like an odd question to ask: because how are those two things related? Let me explain.

Now that smartphones are so commonplace that even low income folks have access to them (cheap ones, if anything), more people than ever have access to the internet. It's a strange world we live in, that many of us are unable to obtain housing and basic necessities, but can still scroll through Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok. We have the world at our fingertips despite being disadvantaged.

That being said, it's all too common to come across vlogs from celebrities and people with a LOT of money, showing off their mansions and expensive cars and whatnot... surely this should bother me, as a low income disabled person who could never afford those things.

But I don't care about any of that. I don't need those things.

"Average People" Priviledge

What bothers me more is when I watch videos from people portrayed as average or "middle class" (actually quite wealthy) giving advice and doing DIY's, reminding me that I do not have access to things I actually need that would help me function better.

ACCESS TO THERAPY

Too many times I've heard "don't be afraid of therapy" from a "brave" middle-class neurotypical woman sharing her story on recovering from her mild bout of depression. I'm happy those people get the help they need, and I have no shame around therapy. But it stings knowing that I cannot afford the intensive therapy I need to even scratch the surface of normality, due to being low income and having multiple complex mental health conditions.

I recently watched a video by a therapist on dealing with anxiety, the kind that makes you avoid socializing, going outside, making phone calls, etc. Her solution was to start small and do one at a time until you can gain normal functioning back.

I'm sure this works for most people, but as someone who never had "normal" functioning to begin with, this hurts. If I took her advice I would burn out eventually as I cannot maintain "normal" functioning. Sure, some days are better than others and I'm able to make calls and socialize on those days--but it's not sustainable long-term.

And seeing those same people well-dressed and clean, wearing pristine makeup while being filmed with a professional camera and lights, makes me wonder if they'd consider me a bum in comparison. I can't function enough to wear makeup or real clothes (PJ's all the way), let alone have the energy to create beautiful videos with my tired face... and yet I try to make videos anyway to share my story, feeling more and more small as I watch more privileged and beautiful people getting the limelight.

ACCESS TO RESOURCES AND SKILLS

I can't escape this feeling even when watching everyday stuff like DIY videos.

Me being thrifty and resourceful (because I have to be), sometimes I need to look up DIY tutorials for things like building a shelf or repairing an old electronic item using what I have. But what I'm met with is expensive solutions I can't afford. I don't have lumber or power tools or the skills to use them. Just cardboard boxes, duct tape, string and some command hooks.

My goal when looking up tutorials is typically to save money. Why are the most highly-viewed DIY videos geared towards people with a crazy amount of resources? I have to really dig to find any tutorials I can actually use, sometimes even from fellow low-income folks who were kind enough to share their advice.

We can't "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps."

I know lots of folks complain about those "special snowflakes" who play oppression olympics and get offended at everything. But they probably don't know how it feels to be so genuinely low in society that privileged people leading normal lives are either unaware of our struggles or choose to look away because they can.

How wonderful it would be to live in a bliss of normal life.

How wonderful it would be to have a dishwasher, a washer and dryer, housing without roach infestations, and housing in general. How wonderful it would be to sign up for an apartment without being turned down because I'm on SSI and don't make 2.5x the rent. How wonderful it would be to work a fulfilling job and make money without my SSI, my safety net, being cut.

Imagine a world where most of my fellow disabled friends weren't destitute and/or living in abusive households. Imagine a world where disabled adults had more in-home help and wouldn't have to live in their own filth due to disability. Imagine a world where the government didn't try to lock our kind into poverty because they assume we can pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and suddenly become functional.


So... What do I want?

Social media portrays a world all too ideal, as everyone is trying to show the best parts of their life and leaving out the icky stuff. This hurts everyone, not just disabled folks like me. It's unhealthy to think everyone's life is perfect and better than yours. I crave mundane normal things, I don't need a yacht or fancy parties or crazy adventures wealthy YouTubers experience.

I just want affordable, comfortable housing, normal accommodations so I'm not breaking my back hand-washing my clothes all day, and to live at least AT the poverty line instead of well under it. Government help is lagging far behind inflation and even food is becoming too expensive. Meat is a luxury, and more affordable processed foods are detrimental to my physical and mental health (try being gluten-free, sugar-free, and low fat on food stamps!).

I'm attempting to be positive.

I do realize I am spiraling. On good days I am grateful for what I have. But I struggle with high anxiety and OCD that hits me often, especially when facing potential loss of my safety nets, like doctors who won't take my Medicaid anymore, or when my food stamps disappear due to an error in the system, or when I'm reminded I can't move out of my parents' house because I'd be homeless. But I need to focus on the positives. I try hard to.

That being said, YouTube is a nice escape from my circumstances and anxieties. I enjoy watching thoughtful and educational content. Having interesting videos playing in the background while I'm doing mundane housework helps to keep my mind busy and motivate me. There's so much music to listen to and I have the world at my fingertips. I'm so grateful that I have a smartphone and laptop to access these things.

Thank you for listening to my rant. I wanted to at least leave this on a good note since I try my best to be positive and appreciate what I have. But it's also okay to vent a bit about the unfairness of life, it can be a weight off one's shoulders.

The WaffleCast™ - A New Podcast on Neurodiversity

We've got a new podcast! The WaffleCast™ is all about autism, neurodiversity, and mental health, featuring autistic adults sharing their experiences, hosted by autistic filmmaker and VTuber (@NeuroLushia). You can watch our first episode on YouTube or Anchor/Spotify.

Join us LIVE on YouTube to participate in chat during our podcasts!

Episode 2 will be streamed live on YouTube August 25th at 6pm CT. The topic is "Coping with OCD" and will be hosted by only Alyssa this time, as we are still gathering guests for future episodes. Join us to hear how about how Alyssa tells the difference between intrusive and "real" thoughts, how sneaky compulsions can be, and the various coping mechanisms she uses to deal with them.

Become a Waffle™ by joining our wholesome community in The Waffle Zone™ Discord server!

Consider supporting Lushia's work with a 1-time donation, or by joining her Patreon for exclusive rewards like broadcasting custom messages to the WaffleCast™ audience! You can also join via a YouTube membership for the same rewards.

AHFilms' NEW Documentary ~ "I Am Autosexual"

Seven years after the release of "Through Our Eyes: Living with Asperger's," I made another documentary! This one is more personal, like a "coming out" video in documentary format.

Autosexuality is sexual attraction to oneself. It can involve romantic, emotional, aesthetic, intellectual, and other types of self-attraction. It's a rather misunderstood sexuality with little awareness, and is often (wrongly) confused with narcissism.

It's likely not well-known due to involving only the self, and not needing outside validation to exist. However, I think awareness can be helpful in terms of de-stigmatizing this experience and encouraging healthy self-love, whether one is autosexual or not. I myself have learned a lot from fellow autosexuals, including how to foster a healthier connection with myself.

The film is a sort of mini-documentary with a runtime of around 20 minutes. This allowed me to release it more quickly--it took me only two weeks to record and edit it, which is a new record for me. Yet I am proud of my work and hope you enjoy it!

Watch the film below, or click here to view it on YouTube!
If you want to help me promote the film, keep reading below the video.

I didn't hype up this film as much as "Through Our Eyes" beforehand, as I didn't need the support of a Kickstarter campaign to produce this one. Since it doesn't have as wide of a reach as the previous film did, I may need your help!

To boost the film's reach, leave a like and comment on the video if you enjoyed it. This will help YouTube's algorithm recommend my video to more people. Also consider sharing the video on social media, or send privately to friends and family who might be interested in the topic. Who knows, maybe it will help someone!

Here's a link to the film! > https://youtu.be/iYi799UA7p0
Or use these buttons to share on the platform of your choice!

And if you're on Twitter, retweet this to help my film reach a creator whose video inspired me to finally make this film!

@anthonypadilla, thank you so much for doing a video on Autosexuals. It helped inspire me to make a documentary on my own experience with autosexuality. I hope many more autosexuals will see your video and mine and feel seen! https://t.co/inTEWEhpCL pic.twitter.com/0BL5nuvfln

— Lushia's Neurodivergent Life (@NeuroLushia) February 19, 2022

I've been wanting to make a video on autosexuality for a while now, but felt compelled to finally do it after Anthony Padilla released his video "I spent a day with AUTOSEXUALS" which I found inspiring and relatable. I know Anthony is a major YouTuber and is probably very busy, but I hope to pass on this thank you message to him.

A Conversation about Social Media. ~ Podcast ft. Differently Wired & The Bored Podcaster

What impact does social media have on society, Neurodivergent people, and the Autistic community? How can we use social media responsibly while mitigating the negative effects? Adam, Jaden and I explore these questions in our new podcast. Watch it below!

DISCUSSION POINTS

• The Dangers of Misinformation
        -> Misinformation vs. free speech
• The Flaws of Social Media Platforms
        -> Trolls and censorship
• The Insular Nature of Online Groups
        -> Groups can be beneficial for particular types of people, but can also isolate them from alternate perspectives
• Autistic Community vs. Parents of Autistic Children / Neurotypicals
        -> Online discourse often lacks nuance
        -> Both autistic advocates and parents are held to impossible standards
• Social Media is Only a Highlight Reel, Not Reality
        -> Impacts on mental health

Rebranding LushiaGaming - Say Hello to Gingersnaspie! (again): aka I'm a VTuber now! (yeah yeah I know it's overdone)

For those who've been following my gaming channel for a long time, you might be aware that its name wasn't always LushiaGaming. I re-branded after discovering I'm a DID system--and decided to keep my name consistent across all platforms.

After some time, the re-branding didn't feel quite right for my gaming channel. Its old name, Gingersnaspie, felt much more fitting--I always loved the mix of "ginger" and "aspie" in the name, and it's a rather snappy ("snaspie?") name, in my humble opinion.

It seems all the more fitting considering a new face of my channel...

Introducing Ginger! The quirky Neurodivergent redhead host (aka me) of my gaming channel--which, by the way, has been renamed Gingersnaspie, if you didn't already guess.

I've been (semi) secretly working on this VTuber avatar in my evil lab (I mean umm, computer I guess) for the past few months, hence my lack of livestreams. I plan to get back to streaming very soon, with at least 1-2 scheduled livestreams per month and the rest will be spontaneous (great for my ADHD). Click here to check out my new streaming schedule.

Want to meet Ginger? The avatar debuts in a livestream on Sunday, December 5th at 7pm CT, on both Twitch and YouTube. Hope to see you there!

Click here to view my new streaming schedule.

Also, here are my new social media links:

Twitch (livestreams)

YouTube (livestreams & VODs)

Facebook (channel updates)

Twitter (live alerts)

Patreon (subscribe for fun perks)

Discord (Waffle Zone)

SHOULDER INJURY From Vaccine (SIRVA) ~ Read before getting the COVID vaccine! (NOT Anti-Vax)

Last year, I got a pretty unpleasant shoulder injury due to a nurse giving me a vaccine too high on my arm.

Immediately after the shot, it hurt like hell and I couldn't move it without aggravating the pain. I held my arm close to me and avoided rotating my shoulder to minimize the pain. I already mentally have a hard time doing tasks due to executive dysfunction (I'm neurodivergent), but the arm pain made it physically harder; especially tasks like getting dressed, washing dishes, and typing at the computer. I had to do a lot of things one-handed.

I thought the pain would go away eventually; after all, most vaccine-related arm pain does disappear after a few days. But it didn't go away. It lingered for weeks, which turned into months, without much improvement. So I did some research.

Eventually, I was able to put a name to it: SIRVA.

AKA "Shoulder Injury Related to Vaccine Administration."

Apparently, when a vaccine is given too high on the arm, it can cause a myriad of problems like tendinitis, adhesive capsulitis (frozen shoulder), bursitis, and rotator cuff tears.

My doctor referred me to an orthopedic surgeon, who took x-rays and diagnosed me with "tendinitis of the left rotator cuff." I also spoke to an attorney specializing in SIRVA injuries, and he agrees that my injury fits in the category of SIRVA. Luckily, I was able to receive some treatment that greatly improved my arm's condition.

I'm writing about this today because I don't want anyone else to suffer like I did.

Don't let my story discourage you from getting the covid vaccine--rather, please get your vaccine from a doctor you trust who is up to date on their vaccine administration training. And tell people you know (especially doctors, nurses, and pharmacists, if they are unaware!) about SIRVA. These are the best precautions you can take.

Getting a vaccine in a rushed or poorly trained setting may also put you at higher risk. Mass vaccination sites or pharmacies may not be as good as a private doctor--but don't take my word for it, that's just an assumption (I got mine in an emergency room, for reference, and the nurse giving me the vaccine seemed rushed). It's hard to know how well-trained any medical professional is when it comes to giving vaccines. The point is, make sure you trust whoever is giving you the vaccine.

Doctors, Nurses and Pharmacists: Since SIRVA is caused by landmarking errors, please check out these resources and ensure everyone in your practice is properly trained. It will help the vaccinations go smoothly without patients enduring life-changing injuries.

Study: "Shoulder injury related to vaccine administration and other injection site events" includes information on SIRVA and prevention methods

HHS VICP Data

Prevent Shoulder Injuries During Covid-19 Vaccinations

More info on landmarking techniques + list of resources

TREATMENT AND COMPENSATION

If you have this injury, there are also steps you can take to get treatment and seek compensation.

TREATMENT

For treatment, I recommend seeking out an orthopedic surgeon or someone who specializes in shoulder injuries. You may need a referral from your PCP / GP (general doctor) to see a specialist. Treatment will vary, but may include physical therapy, steroid shots, or surgery in extreme cases (like a bad rotator cuff tear).

Below are some exercises for rotator cuff tendinitis given to me by my orthopedic surgeon. If you don't have access to medical care, it might be worth giving these a shot.

COMPENSATION

As for seeking compensation, you can file a claim via the VICP / "Vaccine Injury Compensation Program" with the help of an attorney, as long as your injury meets criteria and has lasted 6 months or longer. However, SIRVA injuries caused by covid vaccines are not currently covered by the VICP. We're hoping this changes soon; I'll update this blog post if it does. Skip to 11:08 in my video for more info.

If your SIRVA injury was caused by any other vaccine, you can file a VICP claim. You can find links to law firms who handle SIRVA injury claims in the description of my video.

Why charities cannot replace SSI (from my experience)

Why is SSI necessary? Why don't we rely on charities to support low-income disabled people?

I was reading about different political ideologies, and came across Libertarianism which largely doesn't believe in government safety nets like SSI.

I read different opinions from different libertarians (cuz like, everyone differs), and got a variety of responses to the hypothetical question:

"How would disabled people get support in a libertarian society?"

Libertarian 1: "The free market means they'll have easier access to work."

(Me: Fair, but what about the permanently and severely disabled who can't work at all?)

Libertarian 2: "They die. Not my problem."

(Me: Ouch.)

Libertarian 3: "Charities will take the place of government support."

(Me: Maybe for short term, but have you ever relied on a charity?)

That last response particularly caught my attention since I've had personal experience with trying to get help from charities, hence the topic of this post. 

(Note: This post is not meant to harp on libertarians, and not all libertarians share the opinions mentioned above. Reading about Libertarianism is just how I got to this topic.)

From personal experience, while charities can help with some specific short-term needs, most are simply incapable of providing substantial long-term support. Any support they do offer is minimal and sad (but really depends on the charity tbh).

CHARITY FOOD SUPPORT

Most food pantries only offer pre-packaged shelf stable food, meaning anything fresh is off the table, and those with food allergies will likely go without. So people like me rely on food stamps to feed myself without seriously compromising my health.

There are some rare exceptions though. I used to go to a food pantry that did offer fresh vegetables, fruit, and frozen meats, and that was a freakin' lifesaver. But I've never found another like it since.

CHARITY MEDICAL CARE

Charity medical care is terrifying. Once I had to wait 4-6 hours outside a church to get a cavity filled, only to be greeted by huge crowds / sensory overload, sermons in the waiting room (triggering for me due to religious PTSD / OCD), ancient medical technology (weirdest handheld x-ray machine I've ever seen), and dental students instead of fully trained dentists (I got the filling anyway cuz I had no choice).

Medicaid doctors and dentists aren't much better, but that's besides the point. I'd take a Medicaid dentist over that charity dental day thing anytime. (Though in any case, I can brush my own teeth better than the cleanings I've gotten covered by Medicaid.)

Many charities are also religious and actively try to convert you as you're receiving support. I'm all for freedom of religion, but I should also have the freedom to not be harassed when all I need is some food or a dental cleaning. Converting to a religion, adhering to their ideology-based rules, or being preached to (non-consensually, might I add) should not be a pre-requisite to receiving support, in my opinion.

I was able to tolerate these experiences because I don't rely on them 24/7. I am lucky enough to be on SSI. I'm certain I would die early of severe stress if I had to rely on charities. So thank the stars for SSI.

POVERTY IS A SYSTEMIC PROBLEM + RETHINKING "LAZY"

After my reading on Libertarianism, I did some searching (specifically on YouTube) to see if anyone else on the interwebs was noticing or pointing out similar issues with charity. Sadly, most of the top results were blaming the flaws of charity on "encouraging" dependency of "lazy poor people" and the failure of recipients to become independent after receiving such benevolent (*sarcasm*) aid.

While I'm sure some people do take advantage of charity and don't make effort to improve their life, it's awfully hard put forth that effort if the support you receive is so minimal that you're stuck in a stressful limbo of barely functioning.

I don't think everyday, well-off people would even want to accept the abysmal "help" many charities offer... because why on earth would anyone want wait hours in a line to receive a few cans of green beans? (Often, not even people who really need it are able to do this.)

The suggestion that the poor are simply "lazy" misses the fact that poverty is often more of a systemic problem than an individual one, which is a major reason why one-time / short-term charity supports cannot magically fix someone's poverty or make them self-sufficient.

I believe that what's often deemed as "lazy" seems less about willful inactivity and more about responding to situational barriers. This thoughtful article sums it up pretty well.

In my search for material that addresses the systemic nature of poverty without degrading the poor, I came across this helpful video, check it out!

What's been your experience getting support from charities? Helpful? A hindrance? Downright impossible? Comment below.

Is there a better concept than SSI that could support low-income disabled folks just as well or better? If so, what would it would look like? I'm curious to hear what y'all come up with in the comments. (be respectful tho. :))

Easy Rice Cooker Pasta Recipe ~ Autistic Survival Guide

I made a super simple recipe that could be manageable for autistic people, those with ADHD or executive dysfunction, disabled folks and other spoonies. I wanted to share it in a video, so here it is! Click here for a printable recipe.

What kind of life hack videos would you find useful? Comment below! I may make more Autistic Survival Guide videos in the future.

"Cursed Waters" Virtual Film Screening on YouTube

Join the nostalgia ride with me as we watch Cursed Waters live on YouTube!

Drop by my channel via this link (at the scheduled time) to watch: https://www.youtube.com/c/NeuroLushia

If you want to join the live chat, make sure you are signed into your Google account.

I will be available for answering questions and general chatting before and after the film. We may also have a special guest!

Watch the trailer here:

Join the Facebook event for updates.

I recently advertised the movie in Pirates Online (TLOPO), my favorite pirate-themed MMO, in story format for an event called Dread Poet's Storytime. Listen to the story here for some snippets from the movie! (story transcript below the video)
Note: TLOPO has an annoying chat censor so I had to re-type some stuff xD lol

CW SHORT STORY TRANSCRIPT

There once was a lad named Eli Lark. Clever, eager and hardworking, if not a bit bratty at times... and poor as dirt.

Eli was working at the Dancing Monkey tavern, serving root beer to wandering sailors, when a mysterious bearded stranger with a particularly terrifying parrot tipped him off that a certain pirate captain was looking for some crew. 

It would be a prosperous venture for the poor-as-dirt Eli.

Twas good timing, as Eli's soulless old boss fired him that very same day in order to hire an ultimately more talented resident mouse ( literally... boss man was a little crazy. )

On his way home from work, Eli realized that he didn't know where to find the pirate captain that the bearded stranger mentioned.

In that same moment, he encountered a small cottage he had never seen before.  

He felt a strong urge to enter the cottage, so he did.

An old woman greeted him inside. She was a fortune teller, with voodoo and all that. Eli sat down to have his fortune told... mostly because the old lady wouldn't let him leave.

The old lady sat down, and a few moments of silence passed...

Finally, she spoke.

...

"Who are you? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE??" the scary old lady screeched, picking up a nearby stick with the intention to beat Eli with it.

"AAAAHHHH!!" Eli yelled. "I'm Eli! I'm here to get my fortune told!!"

"Oh, sorry..." the old lady apologized. "I am very forgetful. Now let's get started."

"I see in your future, there is a treasure. An evil man, and a woman! ...

And it will all take place on the island of Xixi. Great, GREAT evil rests on that island.

But you have to go, so have fun!" she said whimsically, handing Eli a small treasure chest as she shoved him out the door and slammed it behind him.

Eli stood dumbfounded... but at least he knew where to find the pirate captain now. The scary old lady had handed him a tacky brochure that pointed him in the right direction.

The young lad took a longboat, rowing out to an old ship with a squid emblem on the sails. He politely knocked on the side of the ship, and then scratched his head as a few barnacles fell atop his noggin.

"Who's there??" a voice... a FEMALE voice... shouted in response.

Eli felt nervous... he had heard of girls in the old legends, and know what they sounded like, but never in his life had he spoken to one.

"My name is Eli Lark!" Eli shouted back. "I've come to join your crew!"

"Well, come on up, Eli!" said the girl / woman thing. "I've been waiting for you."

Once Eli was aboard, the blue bandana wearing girl / woman thing shook his hand.

"I'm Elise Blackship." said the mysterious female. "Captain of the Squid."

Eli spoke several languages before finally landing on English.

"Nice to meet you." He finally said. "So... where are we going? Will we get treasure?? I'm so hungry lol."

"Get this man a biscuit, Dert." Elise gestured towards a pirate with striped pants and a dirty face.

"And to answer your question... we're seeking the treasure of James Vladimir. A cursed treasure it is, but among it resides the Stone of Xixi, a treasure that breaks all curses."

"Xixi? That scary old lady was right! This is my destiny!!" exclaimed Eli, dancing a jig in excitement.

Elise grabbed the rowboat oar and tripped Eli with it. "No funny business. What scary old lady? Who told you about Xixi??"

Eli relayed the info to Elise, and showed her the map. Elise lit up.

"You have the map??" she exclaimed. "Can we use it to find Xixi??"

"Not unless I get that biscuit you promised." Eli replied playfully.

Elise grumbled and gestured towards Dirt, who tossed Eli a biscuit. Eli wolfed it down immediately. Elise ignored his bad manners and asked more about the map, and together they went over the landmarks.

Eli was particularly interested in the duck statue on the map, by Xixi's shore. It made him giggle.

…

Time passed on their voyage, and Eli became friends with Rusty, the navigator; they bonded over their love of root beer and their dislike of intelligent mice who steal the tavern jobs of hardworking landlubbers.

Dert, the first mate, became like a brother to Eli. Many hours of card games and catching chickens felt like years of bonding.

On their way to Xixi, they were attacked by a ghost ship! These ghosts were also seeking the long lost treasure of Xixi Island and they would not tolerate competition.

After a long battle, they captured Elise's crew, including Eli.

"Where's your captain??" demanded the ghost ship's first mate, a rather crazed looking fellow who was petting his poorly made sock puppet.

Eli looked around. Captain Blackship was gone!

"I... I don't know." said Eli. He looked at Rusty and Dert, hoping they knew where Elise had gone. They merely shrugged.

"Well, this is no good." said the ghostly first mate. "Let's maroon them! We'll find the captain later."

They made Eli and his new friends walk the plank, and they fell into the ocean with a *SPLASH!!*. Eli would have considered it a fun ride, had he not been in danger.

"Stay calm, lads." said Rusty. "Swim slowly and save your energy. There's the island up ahead."

When they reached the shore, they collapsed from exhaustion. But at least they were safe. Eli felt somewhat anxious, but glad that his friends were with him.

Eli propped himself up enough to look at the island.

"Guys... this place looks familiar." he said, his eyes fixed on something straight ahead of him.

There on the beach was a duck statue. They made it to Xixi Island.

THE END BUT ALSO NOT THE END BECAUSE THIS IS ACTUALLY A FULL MOVIE I MADE AND YOU CAN WATCH IT ON MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL THIS THURSDAY ( 10 / 22 ) AT 7PM CENTRAL TIME.

"Through My Eyes: Autistic Behavior" Virtual Presentation by Alyssa Huber

Tune in for my virtual presentation on autism, October 14th - 15th at the Northern Regional (Virtual) Conference on Developmental Disabilities! The event is free and open to the public. Check my events page for more info.

📅📲 Add this event to Google Calendar

  RSVP on Facebook

Presentation Title: "Through My Eyes: Autistic Behavior"

Description: "All behavior is communication or serves a function, and knowing what lies beneath behavior is crucial in any human interaction. This presentation discusses autistic behavior, how viewpoints of autistic people impact our interactions with them, and ways we can help them function better while encouraging healthy self-regulation."

I will post more information soon, with what time I'm presenting and the streaming platform(s). There are also other speakers, check out the brochure for more info... and keep scrolling for important website updates!

I hope to see you there!

WEBSITE UPDATE #1 ~ Event Calendars

I added two Google Calendars to the Events page! That way you can add any events you plan on attending to your calendar, or simply view any upcoming events in one place.

The first calendar, "Neurodiversity / Autism Events Calendar ~ Lushia's Neurodivergent Life" is for Lushia's autism related events, like discussion livestreams, speaking events, film screenings, and more. 

The second calendar, "Gaming Livestreams ~  LushiaGaming Calendar" shows all my scheduled gaming livestreams on Twitch. Tune in to watch me live and chat with me in real time!

WEBSITE UPDATE #2 ~ Visual Improvements

I changed the default font of my website to be more easily readable for those with dyslexia and information processing issues. I also lowered the contrast of the default font compared to the background. Examples of the change:

Before:

After:

If any part of my site is still inaccessible or hard to read, let me know and I'll see what I can do.

~Alyssa

What Makes Me "Creepy"? Advice for Autistic guys on approaching women

This is for all you awesome autistic guys (and AMAB folks) out there who are attracted to women (and/or AFAB folks).

I know many (but not all) of you struggle to approach these lovely people for multiple reasons, and being perceived as "creepy" is a common obstacle--even if you are a genuinely nice person with the best of intentions.

For those who love and need in-depth explanations of social dynamics, I found a great video that thoroughly explains what traits and behaviors are often perceived as "creepy" and why. (TW for descriptions of sexual harassment)

Note: This video seems to mainly be aimed at guys (& AMAB people) but could be useful for other people as well.
--> Also, keep reading for a useful article on reading body language, it's definitely related.


HOW DOES THIS RELATE TO AUTISTIC PEOPLE?

Since many of these points can be attributed to social ambiguity and awkwardness (plus some relating to appearance management like hygiene... a struggle for some autistics), it's not surprising that autistic people sometimes "creep" out other people, especially neurotypicals.

Part of this may be due to differences in communication and social norms (autistics basically have their own culture), but I think it's multiplied when an autistic person was not taught how to properly navigate other people's boundaries. In these cases, it's likely that they could creep out other autistics, too.

If a cis woman, AFAB person, and/or autistic person has previously experienced harassment (which is quite common for our kind), violating their boundaries (even unintentionally), could set off their fight or flight. Even bordering on boundary violation could have the same effect and contribute to you being perceived as "creepy."


BODY LANGUAGE IS A FACTOR
Unfortunately... but learning is possible!

I hope that the insight in this video helps, so next time you approach a woman or AFAB person, you have a better idea of what kind of things could make them feel unsafe. But now that we know what to avoid... what do we do? How do we respond? And more importantly...

How do you even know if someone is uncomfortable?

A major answer is... Reading body language. (Unfortunately for autistics...)

Some people will outright tell you, but even in those cases, it's often preceded by some sort of non-verbal cue (even autistics do this!) that communicates their discomfort. Catching the discomfort early makes a huge difference.

Read this awesome article for specific examples of body language and possible meanings.

Social stuff is freakin' hard. I have mad respect for genuinely kind straight cis autistic guys who are trying their best to navigate social situations. It's frustrating when you want to connect but it's like a complicated game without instructions.

I hope my blog post, the video, and the article link provided you with some ideas of what to do and what to avoid, so the other person feels comfortable with you and you can connect more easily.