Often when I interact with people, I detach from my surroundings, the conversation, and just about everything for a split second. It's like almost losing consciousness, or being stuck in a dreamlike state for a moment. It's really weird; in that split second, my brain seems to zoom waaay out, looking down at the universe and questioning the significance of the tiny speck of space I'm standing in, and the nature of language as I hear the other person talking to me, and I find myself observing the structure of the conversation more than the words or meaning. Sometimes it's so short that I can keep interacting as if nothing happened, but sometimes it's long enough that I missed something, and I'd have to ask the other person to repeat themselves.
Sometimes, this "brain retreat" is inward (makes sense since I'm an introvert), and I'd find it hard to focus on an interaction because I'm examining everything I do, trying to process a billion things, trying to search for socially appropriate responses in my brain's computer, all the while thinking about how utterly ill-equipped I am to be talking to that person. I'd also be putting myself down for letting myself get carried away by this process... and it doesn't help not knowing whether this brain overload is my fault or because of how my brain is wired. Or perhaps it's just my short attention span? I'm not sure if other aspies deal with this, or if it's just an Alyssa thing.
At the end of the day, my thought processes leave me exhausted. :/
I'd find it hard to focus on an interaction because I'm examining everything I do, trying to process a billion things, trying to search for socially appropriate responses in my brain's computer, all the while thinking about how utterly ill-equipped I am to be talking to that person.
ReplyDeleteThis is a description of almost every single social interaction I have...
It's a bit of a pain, isn't it?
DeleteYes, it is a bit of a pain
Delete